UNLEARNING my need to take responsibility for the ultimate fate of the things I own – as if they were people and had feelings.

This is what I now call  the “earth mother” syndrome.  I couldn’t let go of things unless I knew they were going to good homes where someone really needed them. I couldn’t throw anything away that was still in good usable condition. (Kind of like leftovers. I also used to not be able to throw away food unless it was already rotten.)  Once things were destroyed, it was a lot easier to put them in the trash. 

I even kept a lot of broken things thinking I would fix them someday.  I have to admit, I still have broken watches and necklaces in my jewelry box but I'm working on it. : )

I unlearned this belief to some extent by realizing that my approach was basically turning my home into a junkyard full of rotting stuff. Why was I doing this to myself? I started learning how to donate and began to give things way like a pro!  But there are things you can’t donate, so I had to make peace with the fact that sometimes I have to throw away things that still “work” simply because no one wants them and I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for the fate of all things. 

Things do not have feelings and ultimately, everything has to return to the dust it came from. It's only a question of when. Some things have to be sacrificed so that I can have a home I love being in.

UNLEARNING my fear that if I got rid of things I would never be able to replace them.

This one was really hard to get over because some things truly can’t be replaced.  The solution for me was to question the fear itself.  I had to ask “So What?”  My time and energy can't be replaced either! So what if an item can’t be replaced?  Does that mean I won’t be able to go on living?  Will my life be irreversibly damaged?  I will have to get used to the fact that the item is no longer available. I have done it before. I will have to do it when I die. I will have to learn to fulfill the need for that item in some other way or just learn to live without it. It actually can be done.  

It’s amazing how we as human beings can adapt to whatever life throws our way. I had to unlearn this self-limiting belief that because something can't be replaced it's importance is magnified. By practicing this thought process over and over, like an exercised muscle, I’ve gotten so much stronger. I still have thoughts like this from time to time, but now I can stop myself, and make better decisions. Some items I keep, but not if they are detracting from the quality of me life.

UNLEARNING my feeling that things I owned were a part of me and if I let them go I was letting go of all the hopes, dreams and feelings I had when I was still using those things. 

It may sound weird but I honestly felt that by letting go of a book I had read, I would also be letting go of the experience of reading the book and in some weird way, what I learned from the book would be gone too.  In effect, I'd be losing a part of my identity.

In my defense, I actually do have a tendency to forget the past.  My personality type is ENTP - creative, sentimental, interested in many things, spontaneous and future-oriented.  A personality type shared by many people who are disorganized and have a lot of clutter. 

I’m always thinking ahead, and tend to take a long time to recall trivial things like the names of movies I’ve seen and titles of books I’ve read. Keeping things was my way of remembering what I'd done and staying connected to who I used to be.  I was an idealistic teenager of the 70's who wanted to make the world a better place and didn’t want to become part of the bureaucratic machine. I swore I would never lose touch with that part of myself. I didn’t want to grow up to be just another cog in the wheel of the machine of industry. 

What I finally realized was that this part of me was so strong I could never forget it. It IS me. I will always be me, stuff or no stuff. After letting go of so much of the stuff, I realized that I will always remember the truly important things that shaped me and make me who I am today. Whatever I do forget was probably not important anyway. 

Oddly enough, I came to realize that keeping too much stuff actually makes it harder to remember things. How can you distill your experience when you are so mired in so much volume of stuff that the important lessons have a harder time rising to the surface! 

Eventually, I adopted a kind of “So What?” attitude toward forgetting!  We are designed to forget things for a reason!  Let’s face it, why do we have to have to remember every detail of our past?  Who really cares?  What’s really important to remember about the life you’ve lived anyway?  Is it really important what the date of that trip to Disney World was?  Or is it more important to become the best person you can be and make a contribution to society and the world?   

Clarifying my values and looking at my things with a fresh perspective required a lot of “unlearning” my need to document every aspect of my life.  Not to say that I don’t still take photographs or acquire souvenirs when I travel, etc. But I do take far fewer photos, and sometimes my only souvenir of a trip is a postcard.  I no longer spend excessive time and energy creating a museum of my life.

Instead I use that time to learn, write, travel and help other people. I relax more and enjoy my vacations more instead of worrying about documenting them so much. If I can spend contribute more to the world by writing. Isn’t that a much more valuable legacy that a photo album or a collection of stuff? 

I hope you find inspiration in questioning your own attachment to things that clutter up your space and drain your time and energy. If I can be of help to you in conquering clutter, remember, I'm here for you!

Wishing you many blessings and much peace.

__________________________

© 2007-2009 Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.

Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed, Coach, Author & Blogger is the founder of www.NeatandSimple.com professional organizers and www.LotusBridge.com: Coaching and Learning Resources. As a Life, ADHD and Organizing Coach, she specializes in working with creative people, ADD and the chronically disorganized. She guides people in clarifying priorities, gaining insight, setting up systems, and making the difficult decisions needed to conquer clutter, change habits, and take charge of their lives. She is the author of the home office organizing book "Neat & Simple Guide to Organizing Your Office", and the popular organizing and decluttering blog, Neat & Simple Living.

Get more free resources on my coaching site: www.lotusbridge.com

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